“I AM NOT A TO-DO LIST”
This makeup look is a response to my frustration at feeling like I am living every day as a giant to-do list that never ends and never gets completed. I know I’m not the only one to feel overwhelmed in this day and age of too-much, and learning to strike a peaceful and healthy compromise between online engagement, gathering inspiration, following my dreams and producing more work for myself is a constant learning journey and balancing act.
When you throw in all the other things we’re “supposed” to do in a day like your 10,000 steps, cook healthy meals, meditate, practise, email, clean etc, it’s no wonder it all gets a bit much on some days… and I don’t even have kids or a permanent job right now so I can only imagine what that is like!! I’m definitely happier than I was when I was hiding in a cave pretending like I didn’t want to show up here and connect with people, but as I fumble my way to a sustainable rhythm, there are some days when it all just gets too much.
The day I painted this was one of those days. After letting loose on my face, I proceeded to take the rest of the day OFF and watched TV with red paint still half way up my nose (much to Anders’ surprise and amusement).
Without wanting to add anymore to anyone’s to do list, I can highly recommend Tony Crabbe’s book “How to Thrive in a world of too much”, full of explanations to help understand why it’s not our FAULT that we can’t ever seem to finish our to-do lists, but most importantly it’s full of helpful, practical tools and strategies to alleviate stress & overwhelm.
The process ended up being a cathartic and therapeutic exercise: as I let my hand write and write to get the list of “everyday” tasks out (and ironically ON my chest rather than off!), the things that really matter to me started emerging. Y’know the big unresolved stuff that actually needs addressing...telling certain people in my life how grateful I am for them, apologising for things I did or didn’t do and am sorry for, writing a letter of reconciliation, forgiving myself, forgiving others, asking to be heard where there was a misunderstanding with a loved one.
Of course this stuff is a lot more uncomfortable than the busy work I distract and drown myself with, but if there is one thing I am grateful for this mad year, it’s having the opportunity to watch these things rise to the surface so I can actually do something about them. I may have to face uncomfortable feelings or conversations, feeling the embarrassment of having procrastinated, or admitting my shortcomings to myself and to others but somehow seeing it in black and white has helped me to get the ball rolling.
